


I Will Stand in the Dark For You

by MarchOfTheFalseHeteros (orphan_account)



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: F/F, F/M, He's also an Israeli immigrant, Letters, M/M, So Whiz and Sho are bilingual, This is part of marquisdegayaf's canon that's Whizzer's dad was abusive
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-22 09:31:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11377407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/MarchOfTheFalseHeteros
Summary: Letters between Whizzer and his little sister Shoshana, starting when Whizzer starts college, and chronicling him moving out of his childhood home, finding love, losing it, and finding it again.





	1. Not too bad, if I say so myself

**Author's Note:**

> Hebrew phrases used:
> 
> Achoti-leh- my dear sister  
> Achi-leh- my dear brother  
> Motek- darling/general term of endearment  
> Ani ohev otkha/Ani ohevet otakh- I love you

September 1st, 1967

Dear Micah,

I still can't believe you're so far away. It's so strange not having you around.  
How are classes going? Make any new friends?  
_Aba_ 's been a little better since you've been gone. More quiet, I suppose. Though that always makes me a bit nervous- I'm sure you can relate.  
Write back soon, _achi._  
Shoshana ("Sho")

 

September 15th, 1967  
Sho,

Believe me, it's strange not being home! I'm glad to hear _Aba_ 's calmed down a bit. Hear from Ma recently?  
Classes are nothing special. Nothing interesting except black and white photography. I basically sleep through everything else, haha.  
I joined a Gay Union here, and I like everyone fine.  
Overall, nothing to report.  
Hope to hear from you again, sis!  
Love you always, _motek._  
MMM


	2. "I had no idea what was coming."

September 21st, 1967

Micah,

Glad to hear you’re enjoying yourself so far! Think you’ll meet someone special in the Gay Union? Just kidding. Sort of.

Be careful not to have too much fun, _achi-leh_ \- remember, you’re there to learn. Hey, I can still be a Jewish mother even all the way from Brooklyn.

Speaking of, to answer your question, Ma did call the other day, - asking about you. Worrying, like she does. _Aba_ was typically curt with her. Still no outbursts, though (knock on wood). Cordelia came by too- she told me to tell you culinary school’s going well, and that she started working at a coffee shop downtown. One more day there is another day closer to getting her own bakery, she says. Oh, and see you on Halloween.

Like I said, don’t have too much fun. I trust you (though I know I probably shouldn’t, haha).

Love YOU always,

Sho

 

September 30th, 1967

Sho,

Jeez, I thought going away to college could get me away from your overbearing Jewish tendencies, but no such luck.

I know how to balance fun and school, thank you very much. My math class is at 8 am- I think I’m afforded a little leeway for falling asleep.

All joking aside, you know I’m not a big partier- I don’t think this school is gonna change that. And as for Gay Union...well, I'm not sure. The guys there are cute and nice, I guess, but I don't know them that well. Give me more credit than that, _achoti-leh_ \- I'm not that shallow.All I'm saying is, we'll see. 

Hi Dee! Can’t wait to see you! And no, I’m not giving you a ride- you can take the train like everyone else.

Tell Ma I said hi, and that I love her and miss her, and that there’s no need to worry (not like that’ll stop her, haha).

Talk to you soon, Shana-leh.

MMM


	3. Halloween

November 1st, 1967

Micah,

I knew it was only a matter of time. _Aba_ finally blew up last night. I got home around midnight from a Halloween party with Abby Grunfeld and Sharon Rosenbaum from temple, and he just…went off on me. Screaming about how I never do anything around the house, why am I coming home at all hours, stay away from those temple boys, blah blah blah. I tried telling him that there was no alcohol, but he didn’t believe me. He punched a hole in the wall. G-d, it was so scary. I ran to my room and cried, imagining you were holding me and singing to me like when we were little. I know that sounds stupid, and I know you probably had a great time last night and are hungover, and I’m probably ruining it, so…sorry.

I miss you a lot.

Please write back soon.

Sho

 

November 3rd, 1967

Sho,

Good G-d, I’m so sorry that happened. I sensed a blowup coming too. I hope you’re okay. Just lay low for a while now, okay? Don’t let him see that he upset you.

Sure, I had fun, I guess. Dee and I got super drunk, I made out with this guy Mike from the Gay Union, she made out with this girl Tonya- typical college Halloween stuff. You’re right, though, I had a terrible hangover the next day. Apparently Mike slept over too. I’m not calling him back, haha.

You didn’t ruin anything, Shana-leh. I’m glad you told me. You can always tell me anything, okay, sis? A stupid college party is way less important than you feeling safe. Imagine I’m singing “Don’t Rain On My Parade” to you right now (though I can never hope to measure up to St. Babs).

I miss you too, every day.

_Ahavah olam*, achoti-leh._

MMM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Love forever


	4. "Eyze sheleg! Kmo chalomot ktanim noflim mehashama'im."

 

 

December 15, 1967

 

Shoshana,

 

I'm shaking as I write this. I just got off the phone with _Aba._ He told me he found the letter I sent you about sleeping with Mike. He called me a faggot, and other things I won't repeat. He said "good luck paying for the rest of your time at college, because I'm cutting you off from here on out." I can't stay here. I'm dropping out. I'm leaving home. I'm so sorry, sis. I can't stay with him another minute. I may find Ma, or stay with Delia for awhile. Anywhere but home. As soon as I make the money I'll come get you too. I promise. I'll keep writing you from wherever I am. 

 

Stay strong, _achoti-leh._

 

MMM

 

December 20th, 1967 

 

Shana,

 

I found a place, for now- I'm here at Dee's apartment. She said I can stay as long as I want. I'll probably be out within the month, though. I'm looking at photography studios in the area, seeing where I can apply. In the meantime, I'm practicing- taking pictures of anything- trees, the sky (I have a gorgeous view of the sunset from Dee's apartment). I even took a picture of a lady I saw in the park the other day. She reminded me of you a little bit- nervous, shy (she barely looked at me when I asked for her photo). I think about you all the time. 

Come visit us for Hanukkah! We'd both love to see you. Maybe you could even stay a little longer.

What I'm saying is I'm lonely, I guess. I know that sounds pathetic, but I can't help it. Dee's gone all day at work, so I barely see her. I haven't been with anyone since g-ddamn Mike on Halloween, and I barely remember that. I miss affection. I miss hugs and kisses and tenderness. Maybe spending a little while with you would help alleviate that. Besides, this area of town looks gorgeous in the winter.

 

Hope to see you soon, sis.

 

MMM

 

December 25th, 1967

 

Micah, 

 

Merry half-Christmas!

 

I think I'm gonna go see Ma today and tomorrow, but after that, I'd be honored to come visit you two. Honestly, I wouldn't mind at all staying there for a few weeks. I need some time away from _Aba_ \- I can't stand the dread that he may blow up again at any second. 

I don't think you're pathetic at all. Though I could have done without knowing about how much you're longing for a man's touch, haha. 

I can't wait to see the snowfall with you, Micah-ush. 

 

Sho 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title, from "Five Hebrew Love Songs," by Hila Plittman, means "What snow! Like little dreams falling from the sky."


	5. Am I just like you?

September 12, 1969

Micah,

 _Shana_ (no pun intended) _Tova!_

Strangely enough, I feel at home here. I’ve seen you thrive in the city, but I see myself thriving here.

You remember when you said last Purim that Tisch had no cute Jewish guys? We must have a nice-looking generation, then, because campus is crawling with _chatichim._ Even all the girls are gorgeous!

Anyway, just wanted to check in. I want to be a better student than you were, so let’s stick to one letter every few weeks. If that. Sorry, but Ma’s gonna have one child graduate with honors if it kills me.

Love you, _achi-leh._

Sho

October 15, 1969

Micah,

Strangely enough, I think my favorite class might be science. The girl that sat next to me on the first day- Anna Palmer- and I hit it off right away. We’ll talk and joke during class (in moderation, MICAH), have study sessions in her room, she’ll play guitar. She’s really cool- you and her would get along famously. She’s gorgeous too- blue eyes, red hair, freckles.

I don’t know why I wrote this. I guess I’m just rambling because I’m nervous about the science test tomorrow. I suppose I’d better call Anna so she can help me study.

Night, _motek._

Sho

 

November 1st, 1969

Micah,

Happy Halloween! You and Dee get drunk last night? 

So...I did something dumb last night. Really dumb.

Wow, I can’t believe I’m about to write this next part.

I kissed Anna. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t even drink _that_ much (trust me).

But she was wearing these tight pants, and…she looked so beautiful. I had to. She looked grossed out for a second, but then started laughing. She must have thought it was a joke. I laughed too, but it wasn’t a joke.

Micah…I think I’m a lesbian.

But how can that be? I think guys are hot, honest. But then there’s Anna, and you and I both know I’ve been in love with Ann-Margret ever since we saw Bye Bye Birdie.

 How can I be both? I’m really confused. I don’t know…how did you know you were gay? How did anyone know?

Don’t be too weirded out by this, okay?

Sho

 

 

November 15, 1969

Sho,

Wow, who’d have thought my kid sister would be such a flirt!

All joking aside… in all honesty, I don’t think you have to know. Not right now anyway. We’re so young- we forget that. From what you’re describing, I think you might be bisexual. There’s nothing wrong with that. And if you figure out you JUST like Ann-Margret and Anna, and otherwise you’re straight, that’s okay too.

To answer your other question, well, I have no other answer than I always knew. I always felt different from the other kids at school. At first I didn’t understand why they stared at me and called me “sissy” and stuff like that, but once I hit puberty, I knew for sure. I noticed that the guys at my junior high were hot, and…well, the rest is history.

Whatever you decide, promise me you won’t hide it. Be loud and proud. Whatever they say, never let them see that they hurt you. I’ll be there for you every step of the way. But I’m secretly crossing my fingers that you ARE gay, just so you know.

_Kol tuv,_

MMM


	6. I fucking love beginnings, flying high

March 6, 1977

Micah,

Chag Purim Sameach!

Hope wherever you are, you’re getting drunk off your ass.

Yikes, I can’t believe I turn 26 in three days. I’m getting too old. We both are.

I think about you a lot- do let me know how the photography job search is going. 

Write me whenever you can.

Sho

 

March 9, 1977

Sho,

Yom Hu’ledet Sameach! 

You get drunk off your ass yourself! 

It’s funny you should mention that- I did get a full time job at a really swanky photography studio in Manhattan- off Canal. They saw some of my black and white stuff and they hired me on the spot! I even showed them that one I took all those years ago of the lady in the park who reminded me of you. It was nice, but it only reminded me how much I miss you. 

I’m sorry I don’t write you much anymore. I’m drifting- I think that’s just how I’m wired. I’m not like you, achoti-leh- I think I’m more comfortable floating through life like a feather on the breeze. Jeez, as if I weren’t queer enough already- how corny was that, right? Haha. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is, I miss you lots.

Ahavah olam, habibi.

MMM


End file.
